i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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