Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
