Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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