so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
