please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
