My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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