Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
