video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
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