Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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