I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
