I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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