I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I think I sprained my soul last night
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
His nipple licking is glorious
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