I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
