I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
