You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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