hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
