Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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