Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
