It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
