she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
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I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
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I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
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