ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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