I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Is Oprah even human
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
