HIV tests are more positive than that guy
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
