my text book just quoted the cookie monster
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize
