I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
