We're facebook friends in real life
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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