She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Randomize
