We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
