she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
