is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
