Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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