New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
