Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
