Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
