be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
