I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
