I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
