So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
