I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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