3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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