I was born with a shot glass in my hand
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
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