My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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