I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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