I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
