Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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