How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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