I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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