hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
