Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
