Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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