I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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