Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
