i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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