their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Randomize
