I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
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