we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
