ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
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The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
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He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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