"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
