i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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