is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
