I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
