mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
