He is an equal opportunity slut.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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