Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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