You don't have asthma, your pregnant
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
