VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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