these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
The Olympian is in my bed
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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