I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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