Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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