I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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