Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
