I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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