he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
farters have to be the big spoon...
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
