dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
