The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize