Joe is yelling at the trees again.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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