he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
