The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Randomize
