I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize