I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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