he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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