Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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