I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
